I Was Here
by gargz
Summary: Finn decides Rachel's future for her, watch as Rachel lives through his decision. Takes place directly after Rachel gets on the train. 3x22
1. Chapter 1

She goes to New York like he says too and she meets her dads there like he said she would and they go look at dorms like he told her too.

She does it all because he wants her too and because there is a part of her that does want this all. They register for her classes and find her dorm, she requested a single room with adjoining bathroom but this is New York and even the dorms are the size of a shoe box, so instead she's forced to share. She doesn't know who she's sharing with she won't find out until a week before and at that point it won't matter.

She has to be in her dorm the last week of August and classes start the first week of September. It's a lot to process but she has the rest of the summer to sort of figure it out. Her dads tell her that they're going to stay for the rest of the week, do some more sight seeing and watch as many Broadway shows as they can.

They know she's broken inside regardless of the fact that they didn't want their daughter getting married at eighteen. That first night in the hotel, sleeping in a double bed all by herself she can't keep the tears at bay so she runs into the bathroom and turns on the tap to help drown out her sobs. Its less than a day and she misses him, she misses his smell and his smile, the way he grazes his thumb back and forth over her hand, she misses everything about him already.

She lets herself cry for another 15 minutes before she pulls herself together and goes back to bed. She's cried so much that the exhaustion knocks her out right away. She wakes up hours later and hears her fathers in a hushed conversation, her back is facing them so they don't know she's awake but she can hear them. Hiram is mad at Finn for 'breaking his little star', she hears him say that he should've just been supportive of the two of them getting married. It's LeRoy who says he's afraid that she won't be able to move past this and that maybe agreeing to Finn's plan was a bad idea.

She's too sad to be angry at them so she sucks it up and puts a smile on her face and for the rest of the week she's Rachel Barbra Berry Broadway bound, but inside she's Rachel Berry-Hudson the woman she wants to be. A week later she's flying back to Lima for the rest of the summer. In New York she got one single text from Kurt that said, "i'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Rachel I hate him for what he did to you and to himself. I'm sorry Rachel I am so sorry." She can practically see the tears rolling down his face. She doesn't bother to answer.

Her fathers think that she just needs time to process it all and eventually things will get better but she loves him and that won't change and there's nothing better than that. It's why she refuses to take off her ring, she doesn't refuse as much as she can't, physically she can't take it off because she's positive that if she does she'll break and fall apart and she can't have that because she has NYADA in September and she needs to be extraordinary.

She's teaching vocal classes this summer to make some extra money while in New York but she doesn't start for another week and her dads don't want her moping around the house, so she goes to Target to find room accessories for her dorm. She's been purposely avoiding everyone after news about Finn has inevitably spread because she can't deal with the sympathetic looks and the pity hugs so for now she avoids.

She hasn't seen or heard from Finn in over a week and since he's the one that wanted to break up and surrender, she's not surprised. She's walking down the linen isle when she hears his voice, "yeah Mom I know but I'll be wearing a uniform so I only need socks, t-shirts and underwear." The rest she ignores because when she follows the voice she sees him standing in front of a wall full of the men's underwear, t-shirts and socks. She doesn't even have time to register that she's sobbing when she sees him. His hair is now buzzed at the sides with a little on top, it's a typical army haircut and its all she needed to see for her to realize this is not all a dream.

He's calling her name but it sounds muffled and she can't make out his shape anymore and the next thing she realizes is that she's running, out the front door and to her car. She's crying so hard she can't breath, her hands are shaking and she can't open her car door.

"Hey…hey calm down…Rach…just breathe." She hears him right beside her and he's suddenly grabbing her shaking hands, she rips her hand away from his so fast like his touch has burnt her skin. She moves away from him he's too close his smell is too much and she can't look at his hair, it's all too much for her, for right now.

"Go…go…away please…go away…I can't….I can't see you right now." She's hysterically crying now and Finn's positive she's going to pass out her face is so red and he's not sure she's taken a full breathe in at least two minutes.

"Rachel you need to calm down and breathe okay…I need you to breathe." He's trying to be reassuring because she's scaring him but she's not listening to him, shaking her head as if to clear his voice from her head. A minute later Kurt comes running out, "where the hell did you go I've been calling your name for 5 minutes before one of the employes told me you ran out of the store. Are you finally having second thoughts?" Kurt asks this all within a minute before he realizes why his brother ran out.

He instantly runs to Rachel, "oh my god Rachel are you okay? What's going on? Why are you crying?" when he finally thinks she's going to respond she just looks up at him and Kurt's breathe catches because its like she's looking right through him. He turns to Finn and tells him to leave, that he'll take care of her.

"No…Kurt let me help she's my…." He doesn't finish the sentence because he doesn't know what she is anymore.

"She's not your anything not since you decided to be selfish and join the army to honor a man you've never known, and fight a war that isn't yours to fight." He's harsh finally saying everything he wished he would've said before. He can see the hurt cross over Finn's face but he doesn't care because his best friend who finally got her dream to come true, is completely broken and he's not sure even Rachel Berry can get through this.

He gets home three hours later and looks and feels exhausted. He walks into the kitchen and grabs a bottled water from the fridge completely ignoring the questioning looks he can feel Finn giving him. "How is she?" He hears Finn ask but he ignores him and keeps walking towards his room. He asks again but Kurt just keeps walking.

"Hey Kurt I'm talking to you." He can tell Finn has stood up by the volume of his voice. He turns slowly and looks at his step-brother and can clearly see the concern on his face. "She's Rachel Berry." He says and turns back around.

"I don't know what that means." Finn says confused and is surprised by the harshness that comes from his brother, "You know exactly what that means!" Kurt's eyes are wide and his eyebrows are forced close meaning he's pissed.

"You have destroyed the strongest person I know, completely taken the drive and the passion she once possessed in everyday life and diminished it to absolutely nothing but a shell!" His breathing is now labored.

"You don't know that, Rachel is strong she's going to be fine." Finn tries to reassure himself and his brother. Kurt just scoffs and laughs but there is no humor in it.

"Of course she's going to be fine, because Rachel is a fighter and what she wants she gets and she's used to doing it alone. And because of you and because of this, " he waves his hand in the direction of Finn's hair, " she's going to do it all alone again. Just like High School she's going to push away anyone whose going to want to get close to her and anyone she see's as competition she's going to get rid of. And she'll get her first Broadway show and she'll be amazing in it and we'll all be there to support her but you won't because she won't know if she can get a hold of you or where you'll even be. But her biggest fear is that you won't be there because you'll be dead!" Kurt is practically yelling as tears run down his face. "She can deal with you not loving her but if you die she won't survive, none of us will." He finally stops yelling and its just in time for Finn to catch him before his sobs take over his body.

Finn lets his brother cry for another 10 minutes before Kurt pushes himself away from Finn's chest and wipes the fallen tears away, then turns and walks away like nothing happened. Everyone's pissed at him for what he's doing, he can still hear his mother cry every night and praying to god to protect her son and asks his father to watch over their son. Burt just gives him a sad look and pats him on the shoulder before walking away and giving Kurt a hug, no doubt thanking god that his son has chosen a safer life plan.

He doesn't need anyone to understand why he chose the army all he needs to know was that he's doing it for himself and his father. He tries calling Rachel but she won't pick up her cell so he tries a few days later and is shocked when he hears that the number he is dialing is no longer in service. He's pissed but realizes this is his fault, its why he chose Georgia because he knows she can't follow him. A few days later he calls again but her house this time and on the fourth ring her father LeRoy answers.

"Please stop calling Finn. I know that we agreed to your plan and I know what you did was for Rachel and I will always be thankful for what you've done for her and everything you gave her but now she's just hurting…you're hurting her so please stop calling and let her get on with her life like you planned." LeRoy doesn't wait to hear if Finn has anything to say, he just hangs up the phone. Finn listens to the dial tone for 5 minutes before he's able to put the phone down.

Two weeks later he's at the same bus stop with his family saying goodbye. The rest of his summer is going to be spent doing basic training and since there is no beginning to a war, training starts as soon as possible. His mom and Kurt are crying but both trying to be strong and Burt looks like he's going to fall apart any time. But then his eyes catch something red and when he looks behind Burt he sees her standing in a red dress, one he's never seen before.

She's crying the moment she sees him standing in his army uniform and its a mix of wanting him to be safe and a mix of wanting to hold him a never let go.

"I'm mad at you really really mad, a part of me hates you for doing this to yourself and me because even though I know you were doing this for me so I can achieve my dream you still don't realize that you are part of my dream, the biggest part." She's crying and so is he but he got his speech and now she gets hers.

"I don't know what you want from me in New York except to be the best that I can be and I can assure you that I will be. But I'll be waiting for you even if I have to wait four years I'll wait." She can see him get ready to interrupt but she won't let him. "No…you don't get to decide any more of my future you decided this but the rest is up to me and I am waiting for you. I love you if there is one thing i am sure of its that I love you, for the rest of my life I am going to love you." She says and Finn swears his heart breaks when he see's her taking on her ring, the ring he gave her.

She pulls off her ring and hands it too him but he refuses to take it, he looks at her with so much pain in his eyes because he didn't expect this. "Take the ring Finn." But he refuses. "Take this ring back Finn because in four years when I have graduated from NYADA and I am staring in my first Broadway show I want you to be there and ask me again, for real, to marry you. Not because you want to be a hero like your father or someone whose good enough to be seen with me, but because you'll have finally realized that you are already all of those things, especially to me." She wipes the tears on her cheeks and thrusts the ring at him once again. He doesn't take it, and the look she gives him nearly breaks his heart, its a mix of hurt and hope. Right now he can't give her hope for the future but he can't completely take it away either.

She reaches up with both hands and pulls his face down to hers, "I hate your hair cut." She says and then pushes her lips against his in what is probably going to be their last kiss for the next four years. "You come back to me alive Finn Hudson or I swear to god I will kill you myself." They both laugh through their tears. They kiss one last time making it last until the last second. She pulls away first wiping his fallen tears, gives him one last dazzling smile and walks away.

She doesn't wait to watch him board the train because she can't its too much. He doesn't look out the window hoping to see her chase the train because she won't.

Four years that's how much time he is giving himself, four years to make a difference and honor his father. Four years and then he's coming back to Rachel and to the life they should have.

Four years.


	2. Chapter 2

_Year 1_

She moves into her dorm the last week of August, when she enters her room she sees that her roommate has already moved in. The stark contrast of a room full of belongings to an empty room filled with nothing is a bitter pill to swallow.

Her fathers are helping her organize when her roommate returns, "Oh hey you must be Rachel I'm Casey." Rachel turns to see her roommate, she's not much taller than Rachel with dirty blonde hair and red streaks in her hair. Rachel waves and introduces her fathers, "There are my dads LeRoy and Hiram Berry." Casey looks puzzled for a moment.

"Are in you in the musical theater program?" She asks and Rachel nods her head, "and you have two dads?" Again Rachel nods her head. "Well there is no way any of us stand a chance now." Rachel is unsure what she means but then notices the teasing smile on her roommates face and for the first time in a long time she laughs.

Once her fathers leave Casey volunteers to take Rachel around the school and show her where the bookstore is and where she can get her campus ID. They become fast friends similar to Rachel Casey is from a small town, Wilmington but has always loved musical theater and Broadway. She loves to sing but her real passion is writing so she joined a combined major of them both.

They spend the night in their dorm eating take out and getting to no each other but its not until Casey notices Rachel's ring that she asks, "oh are you married?" She says surprised, and instantly sees Rachel's guard go up and tears in her eyes. She hasn't had the nerve to take the ring off yet, she's positive she won't be able too.

She shakes her head no but she's not able to get any more than that out before the tears start of fall and Casey realizes she shouldn't have asked.

Her first class is music interpretation she's not sure what the class entails all she knows is that its a requirement for her major. The professor, an older man stands on the stage and address the class of 35 students about the importance of interpreting music and then instructs the class by saying for this week only each student will get up in front of the lecture and sing the most difficult song they know.

Rachel is set to go Tuesday and she already knows what song she's singing. In some ways she's playing it safe but this song is the most difficult song she's ever sung. The first bunch of students that go are good and Rachel worries not for the first time that maybe she's not cut out for New York, maybe she is only Lima good.

But she gets up there Tuesday, hands the sheet music to the band and belts out 'My Man' from Funny Girl and she knows she nailed it. She looks out into the audience and sees the intimidation and awe from some of the students and for a split second sees the same look on her Professors face and she knows she's New York good.

'Why is that the most difficult song you know Miss Berry?" Her professor asks. She nervously twists her engagement ring on her finger. "Because its about loving a man who can't love you back." She says quietly.

"Have you ever been in love Miss Berry?" He asks waiting for her to answer but she just nods her head yes. "And what happened Miss Berry, to that love?" He's probing for information and she knows this, she knows this is part of interpreting music.

"He left for the Army." Its the only thing she says before she leaves the stage and sits down beside Casey. Casey doesn't say anything just places her hand on Rachel's arm and gives it a comforting squeeze.

The next couple of months go by in no time. She loves all her classes and has made a bunch of new friends and for the first time she feels like she belongs and its the most comforting feeling she's ever truly felt. She still keeps in touch with Kurt who is taking classes at Ohio Community College and getting ready for his NYADA audition, she sees on Facebook that Mercedes is still a back up singer and is really loving it. She texts and calls Quinn every couple of days, she's having a blast out in Yale and has actually decided to double major in Drama and Photography.

She doesn't know anything about Finn, she doesn't ask and no one tells her its better this way. In the second week of November Quinn and Rachel meet on the train ride home to Lima for Mr. Schue's wedding and Quinn informs her about Puck's pool cleaning business and that he's doing well.

She blushes when she talks about him and Rachel teases her about it, it's all new for them but this friendship thing is coming easily. Quinn asks Rachel if she's seeing anyone and almost instantly tears come to her eyes, Quinn pulls her close apologizing.

They arrive at 3 in Lima and her fathers pick her up and Quinn's mom is there to get her. They part with the confirmation that Quinn will pick Rachel up tomorrow for the wedding. She's just about settled in when she gets a text from Kurt asking her to meet him at Bread sticks. She just grabs a pair of jeans and a blazer and is out the door.

They hug each other tearfully, holding tight to what things could've been like, but Kurt seems happy. Community College is kind of a joke but it all helps towards getting into NYADA and selfishly he likes all the time he gets to share with Blaine. They talk about her classes and the friends she's made, she posts what ever pictures she can on Facebook but she's never been a big fan of the website.

At 8 Kurt gets a text from his father informing him that he and Carole are on their way to pick up Finn from the train station. Because there is no impending war and its Thanksgiving weekend Finn was able to leave the base for a couple of days. She doesn't ask about Finn but Kurt shares the information anyways. She takes that as her cue to leave so she pays her bill and drives home.

She's happy for Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury but she's not looking forward to this wedding. Not only does she have to sing a beautiful love song for them she's Ms.P's maid of Honor and Finn is Mr. Schue's best man. They haven't seen each other or spoken to each other since he dropped her off at the train station 6 months ago.

The next morning when she goes into her closet to grab her dress she see's the white garment bag just hanging there, her wedding dress that she never got to wear. She barely holds it together while getting dressed and putting on her make up but she knows Quinn will be here any minute.

She hears a car horn 5 minutes later, kisses her fathers goodbye and a safe trip to their day spa and is out the door. She sees Quinn red car but see's the blonde sitting on the passenger side its not until she feels her body being whipped around that she knows who was in the car with her.

"Damn New York looks good on you my American Jewish Princess." She laughs and tells Puck to put her down. He looks different but good, long gone is his awful Mohawk and he's tanned from the California sun. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and opens the side door for her he then walks back around to the driver side, on his way trails his fingers along Quinn's arm earning a sweet smile from the blonde. Rachel just smirks at her and laughs when Quinn tells her to shut up.

She knows what its like Finn used to be the same way, simple touches were to make sure the other person knew you were there and you were important. She lets the sadness go through her for a moment and then lets it go.

They arrive at the same time as Mercedes and Sam lots of hugs and big smiles are exchanged and then repeated again once the whole Glee club is reunited inside. He arrives last and everyone clambers around to hug and greet him, but she can't instead just stands back to watch. His hair is still cut the same way but he's put on about 10 pounds of muscle and its noticeable through his white dress shirt that looks like its stretched across his biceps. He looks good tall, big and built like a house.

They don't say anything to each other just a nod of the head and then they have places to take. She loops her arm through his as they walk down the isle and just the feeling of his warm body is enough to break her. They ceremony is sweet and all the girls cry and so does Mr. Schue. Everyone is dancing and talking each other as the glee kids take their turn saying something nice about the happy couple and then sing a song for them.

Mercedes is up crooning away on Eta James 'At Last' when she see's Finn's hand out stretched silently asking for a dance. She places her hand in his and smiles when she sees just how much bigger his hand is compared to her's. They don't talk through the dance just sway and listen as Mercedes gives a whole new meaning to the song.

Its the end of the night and only the glee kids are left, she watches as Puck whispers something into Quinn's ear, she blushes then places a soft kiss on his lips. They are the first ones to head out but not before Rachel assures them she has a way home. She's the last one standing in the parking lot, she pulls out her phone to call a cab.

"Do you need a lift?" She turns around to see Finn standing with his jacket draped over his arm, tie loose around his neck and the top buttons of his dress shirt undone. "No I'm going to call a cab." She says softly.

"Don't call a cab he's going to charge you 30 bucks for a 10 minute ride down the road. I'll drive you I don't mind." She wants to argue but doesn't have the energy so she follows him to his truck. They drive in silence until he pulls into her drive way, she thanks him for the ride and exits the truck. She hears a second door slam and looks over her shoulder and sees him walking towards her.

She tells him he doesn't have to walk her to her door, they live in Lima and nothing bad ever happens here. He just shrugs and walks with her anyways. She walks into the dark house, turns to thank him for the ride when his lips are suddenly attached to hers.

He pushes himself inside and slams the door closed, pushing her against the nearest wall. Their kisses are harsh and fast, tongues dueling and teeth nipping. They safely make it up the stairs and into her bedroom, the moment they enter something shifts and their kisses become slow and sensual, no longer rushed or harsh.

He gently strips her of her dress and she of his pants and dress shirt until they're both naked. He pushes her onto the bed and climbs on top of her kissing her way down her neck onto her collar bone. His dog tags hang from around his neck dangling on her breasts and the sheer sound of them makes her sick. She grabs the tags and tells him harshly to take them off, he's surprised by her tone but does it; tossing them behind him on the floor.

He reaches into her side table and grabs a condom from inside she takes it from his hand and places it over him. She's staring at his body fingers tracing the new muscle and sculpted flesh, he feels the same but different at the same time. He runs his fingers through her to make sure she's ready and slowly pushes himself in. They both grasp at the feeling of going 6 months without physically touching each other in any way.

He's going slow purposely his speed won't cause them any relief any time soon and that's the way he wants it. He wants to savor this moment for as long as he can because he knows this will be the last time they'll ever be together. They're both crying tears dripping onto each other, but no words spoken. Eventually he has to give in to the pleasure and they both come together, sweat dripping and haggard breaths. He makes a move to pull out but she tells him to stay, "I'm going to crush you." He says but she doesn't care, "at least you'll be here." She whispers and then he can't hold his tears in anymore.

The next morning they dress in silence, "when do you leave?" he asks and she tells him later on tonight. She asks him and he says "tomorrow." He quietly leaves and she collapses to the ground in tears and shallow breaths.

She meets Quinn and Kurt for brunch when Kurt asks when she's leaving, she tells him she leaves in an hour. He looks confused saying Finn told him that she was leaving tonight. "I lied." She says simply going back to her fruit and yogurt. Kurt looks hurt, "don't you think maybe Finn asked so he could be here with you." he doesn't try to hid his disdain for Rachel lying. She replies back coldly, "he doesn't get that privilege anymore, it's my life and he's no long a part of it." That shuts up Kurt instantly, she's not wrong, Finn threw away any right when he let her go.

He watches Quinn and Rachel board the train then gets a text from Finn asking him if he can get Rachel to meet him at the house he texts back, "she's gone." And doesn't wait for a reply because he knows he won't get one.

Finn gets on his train the next day with final hugs to his mom and Burt and a tight squeeze for Kurt and then he's gone.

The rest of the year goes by in similar fashion, she's learning so much at NYADA that she doesn't want to jeopardize it by going on auditions so she sticks to being a stage hand at an off-Broadway theater where they barely pay her minimum wage but at least she's learning all about Broadway first hand. She has another job at the school library which is incredibly peaceful. Between two jobs and school work she barely has time for anything else but Casey is good at getting her out.

At Christmas her dads come to visit her and they take off for a mini vacation for two weeks before classes start up again. Her second semester is significantly harder but still as enjoyable. One day she's checking her email and sees that there's one from Finn.

It doesn't say much just asks how things are going, he can't tell her where he is but he explains the sights he's seeing and the peoples he's meeting. She doesn't reply to the first email and a couple days later another one appears. He explains where he's sleeping and the friends he's met his one friend Smitty he explains looks like a mix between Puck and Mr. Ryerson and he promises to send a picture in the next email. Again she doesn't reply and a couple more days later another email comes in, and like he promised he sends a picture. Rachel laughs out loud when she sees it because he was completely right Smitty is a complete mix between Puck and Mr. Ryerson.

She stares at the picture again and notices how tanned and big he looks in the photo and laughs at the pose he and his friend are in, they're both flexing their right biceps into the camera obviously measuring who has the largest muscle. Then she looks closer and gasps when she notices a tattoo on his arm. She doesn't even think just starts writing, "_Finn you are correct about your friend Smitty please send him my sincerest apologies at his obvious short comings. However my attention was drawn to the obvious mark on your forearm. A tattoo Finn do you understand how unsanitary and dangerous those things are. _

After that her email correspondence with Finn started, he was never able to predict when he would have access to a computer but his emails generally came every three days. For the remainder of the year they emailed back and forth, sending pictures and generally keeping each other up to date on their lives.

A week into her final exams she gets a call from Santana, "Berry I heard that you, Lady Hummel and twin hobbit were moving in together come September any chance you could use another roommate?" It takes her a moment to realize that Santana's calling her and asking for a place to stay. She says yes of course because the more people sharing the cheaper the rent. Kurt and Santana come down a week later and they go apartment hunting and find a barely spacious three bedroom at a decent price of course after Santana haggled the landlord.

She doesn't go back to Lima for the summer instead stays in New York working at the library and as a stage hand. Santana after some persuasion decides to apply to college and gets into NYU as a law major and works part time at a bar down the street.

_2nd year_

Her emails with Finn continue well into her next school year, he of course can't tell her where he is just that he's moved around a lot this part year and has been enjoying it. Her classes are harder and more specialty focused this year which makes it both more interesting but challenging.

Much like at McKinley Santana can command any room so her first week at NYU is amazing and almost every night comes home with offers to go to a party, of course the three theater majors all decline until eventually they have to say yes.

Santana promises this party won't be crazy and she's right but she also has rules, "once I hand you a cup do not put it down if you do leave it, keep your hand over the top of the cup so no one can slip anything inside and if someone other than me offers you a drink do not take it you don't know what's in it." They're a little scared after Santana reads off her rules but thank her in advanced to the information.

She's having a good time the music isn't too loud and the people aren't going crazy, she's spent the last 30 minutes talking to Brad a economics major at NYU. He's funny and like Rachel forced to come to this party to relax. They talk then dance and laugh and eventually are too hot to stay inside the now packed house.

They're sitting side by side outside on the porch, "I love New York but I wish you could actually see the stars." Brad says looking up; Rachel looks up too and notices that he's right with the smog and lights of the city stars are practically invisible. It makes her sad for a second before she realizes that Brad is looking at her and the next thing she knows he's kissing her and she's kissing him back.

He tastes different and smells different, good but different. The kiss doesn't last long before she breaks away from his lips sputtering and telling him she can't have a relationship right now, she just got out of a bad one and it's too soon. Brad's a good guy and understands but gives her his number anyways just in case she changes her mind.

That night she gets home and writes an email to Finn telling him that they should stop emailing each other, it's not fair they broke up and it's easier if they remain separate from each other. The next morning she see's an email from Finn, he's confused by her sudden change and doesn't understand so she sends him one final email, "_I went to a party last night and a boy kissed me and I kissed him back" _a week later she doesn't get a reply and knows she won't ever again. He probably feels like she cheated on him, except this time she knows she didn't because they're not together anymore and this time its real.

After three weeks of no reply from him she knows that its done and for the first time in a year and a half she takes off her ring. Looking down she can see the discoloration tan line left by the thin band. She fears she'll loose the ring so she loops it through her necklace and stuffs it under her shirt.

Two days later she gets a message from Brad asking if she wants to meet for coffee some time this week, she replies she would love to. Things progress from there and they start dating, its different with Brad, he's different. His parents have been happily married for 25 years, he has an older sister whose married with two kids and a younger brother whose just starting college at Duke.

They surprisingly have a lot in common his family have always been rapid theater goers so he grew up with the musical classics in his home, he of course says he possesses no musical talent and after forcing him into karaoke one night Rachel can conclude that he is right.

Kurt, Blaine and Santana really like him because he's a easy guy to like, he likes to have fun but is also concentrated on his studies. They're three months into their relationship when Finn comes up she refuses to go into detail but just says that she loved him very much but things didn't work out. Brad asks if he's still in the picture and it breaks her heart when she says he's not.

Four months in the topic of sex comes up, she's only ever been with one person but she has needs just as much as guys do but she informs him she is not ready yet. He's understanding and tells her he'll wait as long as wants and she believes him.

Every year the seniors put on an end of the year show that is open too all musical theater students to try out but only seniors will get the leads. Rachel is fortunate to get a secondary character which means she gets to spend a good amount of time on stage and even gets a solo. That night after the show Brad shows up to her shared dressing room with a bouquet of flowers and instead of going out to celebrate the show she goes back to his place.

They have sex for the first time and its different because Brad is different. He tastes bitter because of all the coffee he drinks but also sweet because of the candies he likes to suck on. But he's gentle and passionate and he makes her feel good, special. They're relationship progresses a month after that until one day right after their 6 month anniversary Brad breaks it off.

He says he understands the hours that she works at the library and all the time she puts into working as a stage hand and of course studies are important. All that he can deal with but he can't deal with the fact that she still wears the engagement ring from the guy she's no longer with around her neck and refuses to take it off even during sex. Rachel doesn't argue with him and they go their separate ways.

She once again forgoes going home for the summer they all do, instead they work their asses off everyday making money to pay rent and spending money to buy decent food. They've developed routines amongst them all that happily puts them together when they need to be and apart when needed.

_3 year_

Classes are getting more focused than ever before but it also leaves options open to try other types of classes within your major, so when Rachel sees a lyric writing course she signs up instantly. She is pleasantly surprised when she sees Casey in the class. After her second year Casey dropped out of the musical theater program and decided to focus on lyric and script writing.

Casey tells her that every year one seniors script for either a play or musical is selected and done for the last play of the year. She's currently working on her's now and hopes that it'll be chosen come next year. Rachel volunteers her help, she did write a winning song for Regional's. Casey is happy for the help and for the next 4 months Rachel's time is spent doing classes, working at the library, stage hand shifts and now script and lyric writing.

Thursday's are her only days off so she always plans to sleep in to about 8 and then go for a run, today's no different except when she wakes up and walks into the family room in her running gear she sees her three roommates all crowded around their TV.

Kurt's on the phone and Blaine and Santana are watching the screen intently. Santana notices her first, "there was a bombing in Quade and the President sent out troops to bring back the American's trapped their." Rachel is trying to registrar what Santana is saying but it's not processing. "Fort Wayne and Fort Benning have been called to Quade." Its not until the woman on the screen says the names of the bases that are being sent out that Rachel finally clues in.

"I'm going for a run." She says and walks out the door ignoring Santana calling her name. She runs and keeps running until the only thing that can come out of her are tears. He's being sent to a war zone, three years later and he's finally being sent. She spends the next hour walking around the city trying to clear her head. When she returns to her apartment the TVs still on but muted and the three of them are just sitting in silence.

Rachel just walks in ignoring their glances and slams the bathroom door behind her. The instant she's in the shower she lets the tears fall and the sobs rack her body. She doesn't know if anyone can hear her and she doesn't care. Eventually she has to leave the comfort of the scalding water, she dries herself and dresses into her PJ's walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen she grabs left overs sits at the table and eats. Its completely silent and no body says anything for three days.

A month and a half later she's woken up in the middle of the night by Kurt, "Finn was hit they're sending him to a hospital in Georgia I'm going to him, Rachel are you coming." She can barely make out what he's saying but eventually he stops talking and her room is silent again. The next thing she feels is her bed dipping and an arm being wrapped around her waist pulling her close. "It's okay Rachel, you'll be okay." Santana says trying to comfort her when she realizes that she's sobbing.

Two days later she gets a text from Kurt telling her that Finn is fine, his truck was ambushed but he wasn't inside of it, he pulled two of his guys from the wreck saving their lives. He dislocated his shoulder from the explosion and flying debris cut up some of his side and arms but he's fine. He even sends her a picture of a shirtless Finn sitting in his hospital bed, sling around his right arm and waving with his left.

Something catches her eye so she zooms into the photo with her eye iPhone and right above his left peck she sees something that looks like another tattoo. When she looks closely she sees a star and the initials_ RB _in a beautiful cursive. It stops her heart when she sees that its her initials and they're placed right above his heart.

All she knows after that is he will be in Georgia recovering before he can return to active duty. Kurt doesn't tell her but the first thing Finn asks when he sees him is about Rachel. Kurt doesn't go into great detail just that she's doing good, studying hard and working harder. For her part Rachel doesn't ask about Finn when Kurt gets back but he willingly offers what ever information he has to his boyfriend and Santana who already know everything.

A month after the accident there's a knock at the door and she opens it she's instantly engulfed in long strong arms. When she looks up she sees a tall blonde smiling brightly down at her, Brittany finally after two years of community college and teaching dance found her way to New York because she's been offered a job choreographing an off- Broadway show. It goes unsaid that Brittany moves in with them.

She some times she watches the way Santana and Brittany interact with each other, Brittany is always able to bring out the best in Santana tame the lion so to speak, and with finals and law exams Santana is always so high strung that there are moments where she reverts back into her old Cheerio self. But those moments only last for a short while before Rachel finds herself cocooned between Brittany and Santana in her bed, peacefully squished between the two.

_4th year_

Its her final year, classes officially end in April and then no more classes, no more teachers trying to teach them the way of Broadway. Its scary at first and then Rachel's comforted by the fact that she knows she can do this.

The majority of the year is spent helping Casey with lyrics for her musical. Casey found out the second week of classes that her play was picked for the senior musical theater final show. She instantly called Rachel and offered her the lead role because not only did she help with the lyrics she inspired Casey to write it all down.

Her final classes are all in preparation for this final show and Rachel couldn't be more excited. With the passing of Thanksgiving and Christmas she gives herself one free night to celebrate her birthday anyway she wishes.

She doesn't want to have some big blow out, just close friends getting together and enjoying each other. At the last minute she cancels and tells Santana and Brittany to meet her. The three of them walk into a tattoo parlor. Rachel says for her birthday she wants to get a tattoo, so she sits in the chair and lifts her shirt indicating to the big bald guy that she would like it on her left side right underneath her breast on top of her ribs.

He asks her what she wants and its simple, the word not the meaning behind it. It takes him 10 minutes to draw it up and tattoo it into her skin and when he's done _Faithfully_ is engraved into her skin. "I'm forever yours...Faithfully" Brittany sings softly and immediately tears spring to Rachel's eyes. Brittany bends down and kisses Rachel gently on the temple and whispers, "I get it." Then they pay and leave.

That's how she spends her birthday with a reminder of her past but now more than ever she's okay with it. It becomes a general rule to not talk about Finn and any time the news mentions war someone immediately changes the channel. She wants to explain that she's not running but she kind of is, she's had four years to let it go to move on and maybe for a while she thought she had and maybe she still thinks she will but for right now its easier not knowing.

The end is finally here four years of hard work, tears and laughter all rolled up into this one final moment. She's standing back stage and looks out behind the curtain to see all the glee kids have arrived, everyone even Artie have come to watch her in her first lead role, it's not even Broadway but they're all here. Mr. Schue and Emma are sitting next to her dads and Burt and Carole beside them, Kurt and Blaine are in the show too.

If you look at the program for tonight's final show you'll see a picture of Rachel Berry as lead Michelle in 'I Was Here' written by Casey Evans music and lyrics by Casey Evans and Rachel Berry. She's proud of what she accomplished in four years, this moment more so than any other.

She's acting her heart out except there is not a lot of acting that has to happen. Casey said Rachel had inspired her to write and she meant it. The play that she wrote was based off Rachel's story, her story of love and loss. When she acts out the second to last act where she has no choice but to say goodbye to her love James she can hear the gasps from her old classmates when they realizes that the story their all watching unfold is her's.

She can feel them fall apart when they realize that Michelle has to say goodbye to James, except she doesn't want to she wants to stay with him forever but she can't, he won't let her. The last act is her belting out a beautiful power ballad that she wrote while two dancers use their bodies to emphasizes her words.

She get a 5 minute standing ovation and mostly because her family and friends won't sit down, they won't stop cheering her on. She smiles through her tears and its in that moment as she stands in front of her friends and her family watching as they cry for her loss but smile for what she's gained that she finally _surrenders_. It overcomes her but she feels lighter some how and more energized, its a beautiful feeling.

She graduates and remains in New York; in fact nothing changes for her, Kurt and Blaine and Santana and Brittany they all go back to their three bedroom apartment and continue on with their lives.

She lands a job on Broadway and a good one, she's the understudy for Elphaba and current rumblings are that the Elphaba now might be leaving for another show which means Rachel would get bumped up to lead. And it does happen 2 months later, she gets her first night on Broadway as lead and once again everyone is there to cheer her on, everyone except one.

She gets home late that night celebrating with the cast and her friends. 20 minutes after she's arrived home there's a knock at the door, "Berry it's for you!" She hears Santana yell so she makes her way out of her room in a long t-shirt and sleep shorts.

Her breathe catches when she sees whose standing in her doorway. He's wearing a white long sleeve with three buttons opened on top and dark jeans. His hair has grown in and his tan is still intact. He looks bigger some how maybe because its been 3 years since they've seen or spoken to each other. He's holding flowers and a nervous grin, he takes a step towards her and she takes two steps back. His smile falters and he remains in the doorway.

"You were amazing up there tonight Rach...so amazing," She's confused at first but than realizes he was there watching her. She doesn't have to ask how he knew she knows Kurt told him and she should be pissed but right now shes just shocked. "I know this is kind of shock and sudden but do you think I could maybe crash here for a week or two before I find a place of my own." He asks her but she notices his duffel bag at his feet and knows he's already asked Kurt but wanted to run it by her.

"What...are you doing here?" She finally finds her voice. She watches his shift from one foot to the other. "I'm taking some summer courses at NYU before I start my new job." He says softly clearly aware that Kurt told her nothing of his visit or his plans.

She looks puzzled for a second, "Where are you working?" She's not sure where her words are coming from but they're out of her mouth before she can stop them.

"Kurt hasn't told you anything?" He asks and watches her shake her head no. He hesitates and says, "I got a job as a firefighter for the FDNY." he says with pride after his accident and winning a metal of honors he finally felt like he did his father proud and that desire to be a hero quickly diminished but he had a contract to fulfill so he asked to be reassigned to desk duty and when his term was full he packed up his bags and left, coming straight to New York.

He watches Rachel process what he's just said and can tell right away that she's angry, "You join the army where you have to use your body as a shield for bullets and now you want to come to New York and use your body as a shield for fire, do you have a death wish!" She's yelling and tears are streaming down her face.

He just takes a deep breath, "but at least I'm here." That's all he says and watches as her body deflates. She tells him he can take the couch then walks back into her room. When she wakes up the next morning he's gone, pillow and blanket folded neatly and bag put into the closet.

She has to be at the theater so she doesn't give it any more thought. By the time she returns home its late and he's either still out or asleep. For the first couple of weeks they work around each other until they can't anymore.

He runs every morning at 6:15 because he's up at 5:45. His bed is made, teeth brushed and clean shirt pressed and worn. The first day he walks in with his blue FDNY t-shirt Rachel is sitting at the island eating, one look at him and she gets up and walks into her room. The reminder that he's back is enough to take her breathe away every morning but seeing him in his new 'uniform' is almost worse.

Weeks turn into months and he's still sleeping on her couch. She's woken up in the middle of the night by a thunderstorm, she walks into the kitchen to get a drink when she notices Finn sitting up on the couch just staring at the wall. He's shirtless and only wearing his boxers, she can tell he's tense by his back and his rigid posture. The slam of the fridge knocks him back into reality, startled by the noise he jumps slightly.

"Everything okay Finn?" She asks walking towards him cautiously and sits down in the love seat. He nods his head but jumps again at the sound of thunder, she knows he's not scared of it because he used to comfort her.

"I don't like the sound of thunder, the loud bangs remind me of gun shots, makes it hard to sleep." He confesses and suddenly Rachel wants to protect him.

"Sorry I've been here so long I promise I'll be out of your hair soon. Quinn and Puck are moving here next week and they said I could take their spare room." She doesn't say anything just nods her head.

A couple days later they run into each other getting coffee and instead of being weird they agree to sit down and drink together. She hears her name called and turns around to see Brad. "Rachel it's so good to see you how are you?" He asks pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheek. Rachel explains all that's happened to her in the past couple of years and Finn can't help but notice how familiar and close these two are.

He watches as Rachel's hand stays on Brad's shoulder while his arm remains wrapped around her waist and sits low on her hip. "I'm actually moving to Australia and getting married." Brad says and Rachel congratulates him before she realizes that Finn's still here.

"Oh how rude of me Brad O'Connor meet Finn Hudson, Finn Hudson meet Brad O'Connor." Finn stands up and takes the mans hand in a firm grip. He watches as Brad turns back to Rachel, "He came back." Rachel nods her head shyly, "He came back." She repeats and then Brad is off.

They sit back down at their table and quietly sip their coffee's, "was he the guy you kissed?" Is all Finn says and Rachel knows what he's asking. She nods her head yes and tells him they dated for 6 months before he ended things.

She doesn't offer up any more information and he doesn't ask. They walk back to the apartment when Finn gets a call from Puck confirming the date he's going to move in when suddenly Santana starts yelling.

"Are you kidding me! Are you just going to sit there and let him leave?" She's in Rachel's face. "Let's all be honest here you're not going any where I don't care if you have to keep living on that damn couch for the next 10 years but you're not leaving." Now she's pointing at Finn.

"I have sat here for 3 years and watched as Rachel tried to move on with her life and work past her pain while you were off on some selfish mission to find yourself when who you are is sitting right in front of you." She points to Rachel. " You guys have issues to work through, clearly but if you leave this apartment Finn Hudson I swear to god you won't live to see your 25th birthday." With that she gets up and walks into her room slamming the door for an added effect.

Rachel silently gets up and walks to her room as well, softly closing the door. Finn sighs and sits back down on the couch. 5 hours later its 1 am and his still awake sitting on the couch when he hears her door open and she softly pads her way towards him. She silently holds out her hand which he takes while her free hand grabs his duffel bag.

She drops his bag on her bedroom floor and closes the door behind her. She walks towards the bed stripping off her shirt and shorts before she's naked before him. He follows her lead until he's naked too and pushing her onto her back, climbing on top of her, pushing his body against her's.

They both moan when their flesh touches for the first time in three years. He kisses her finally slow and sensual, pouring everything into it. Her hands wander over his chest and back, tracing the scars from his injury until her fingers land on his left peck and she see's her tattoo the one dedicated to her, she leans up and kisses it and that's when she feels tears falling on her collar bone, when she looks up she see's Finn's eyes squeezed tightly shut as the tears fall.

Its his turn to explore and he does his lips and fingers making trails of where they've been and where they want to go. When he finds her tattoo the first thing he does is kiss it tenderly for a minute before he starts humming the words.

They make love for the first time since they were 18, its slow and soft and the perfect combination of what they both need.

He promised himself four years and now he has four years to make up for. So in the early morning when she's finally fallen asleep he takes the ring from the chain around her neck and slips it onto her finger where its been gone but now has found itself back in its place.

* * *

**The ending didn't go quiet as planned but the general idea was there. I don't know if Rachel and Finn broke up after last nights finale but i don't see how they didn't, but until September i have this.**


End file.
